Dear Surrogate,

My husband C and I have been together for 13 years, married for 5 years, and trying to start a family for the past 3 years.

In October 2020, we were so excited to find out that I was pregnant with our first child, but after 6 weeks I unfortunately had a miscarriage and was informed, “this is common, miscarriages happen.” While it was difficult to move forward with the loss, we tried again and in December 2020 we found out that I was pregnant with our first rainbow baby. After seeing the heartbeat of our baby boy, I miscarried again at 7 weeks and had my first D&E. This time I was told, “it’s probably just bad luck.”

I was referred to a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) specialist and after further testing I found out that I had Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS). I was told that the APS may have been causing blood clots that resulted in my miscarriages. My MFM doctor developed a plan to address the APS with low dose baby Aspirin and Lovenox injections.

Hopeful that APS was the cause of my miscarriages, I was fortunate enough to become pregnant with our third child (double rainbow baby) in May 2021. Unfortunately, I miscarried our third child, but unlike the other two miscarriages, this miscarriage resulted in me developing Lupus symptoms, and this changed our lives forever.

With APS “under control,” the doctors mentioned they believed the Lupus was causing my immune system to attack the embryos, thus causing my miscarriages. But Lupus didn’t just cause my miscarriages. I was sick, really sick. My symptoms included skin rashes, arthritis, hair loss, migraines, facial heaviness/paralysis, kidney pain, weakness, chest pain, neuropathy, and photosensitivity. This ultimately resulted in me resigning from my job as a children’s counselor because I could no longer physically work.

With Lupus as the cause for my miscarriages, we decided I needed to put my Lupus into remission to stop any future miscarriages before trying to conceive again. After working with numerous doctors, I was not able to achieve remission with medicine alone, so I turned to a holistic doctor with a track record of putting Lupus into remission by focusing on a more natural lifestyle. With this, I embarked on a program that required maintaining a diet of only fruits and vegetables and focusing on self-care that supports my body’s ability to heal itself.

After months of this new lifestyle and several hundred pounds of vegetables, most of my symptoms subsided. In January 2022, we found out that I was pregnant again and prayed that this would be the baby that we would eventually meet. But this time our prayers weren’t answered, as I had my 4th miscarriage- a baby girl- and scheduled my second D&E.

In February 2022, I began working with my Reproductive Endocrinologist. In May 2022 subsequent tests showed that I had retained products of conception and I needed to schedule a D&C and hysteroscopy to remove what was left of our baby girl. During this surgery, my husband received a call from the surgeon stating that she discovered that I had a septate uterus, which she was able to resect during the surgery. During this surgery, the surgeon accidentally perforated my uterus, which led to a laparoscopy. The surgeon stated that she believed that the septate was causing my miscarriages, but we had to wait several months for my uterus to heal before trying to conceive again. My husband and I cried of joy because we finally had a reason for the miscarriages, and we truly believed that I would bring our 5th child to full term.

In August 2022, I ultimately needed to have one more hysteroscopy surgery to remove scar tissue that resulted from the septate removal.

Shortly after, I was finally cleared to try and conceive again, so we began working with my Reproductive Endocrinologist on timed intercourse and subsequently IUIs. This resulted in several failed attempts, a few months of monitoring, and more tests. This testing revealed that I have a thin endometrial lining – which was a result of the D&Cs and subsequent uterine surgeries – and my thin lining may be permanent damage. My Reproductive Endocrinologist informed me that my “endometrial lining may never be able to get thick enough for an embryo to implant” and a surrogate may be our only option for having a baby.

Even though my husband and I have experienced much difficulty and heartbreak trying to start a family on our own, we are determined that there is still a way that we can become parents. We strongly believe that a gestational carrier will help us achieve our dream of having a child. We would love to be involved in the pregnancy and will be supportive in any way possible throughout this journey. It may take losing 4 children (who we will one day meet in Heaven), a life changing disease diagnosis, a crazy diet, tons of love and support from our families, working with a gestational carrier, and whatever else is in our future, but it will all be worth it.

A little bit about us: We met during our freshman year of college at Rutgers University (we lived in the same dorm, and we were both in Greek life). We love to travel and spend time with our family and friends. We enjoy exercising and cooking. We have three nieces that we adore. We are the best cat parents to our two beautiful kitties- Gemma and Gio. We are positive, friendly, easy-going, good communicators, caring, and supportive.

My husband and I greatly hope that you will consider us for this journey! Thank you!

S+C