A little bit about us:
(J): I’m a Kindergarten Special Education teacher in New York City, and have been for the last 11 years. Both my parents and my grandmother were teachers, and I knew from the age of five that this was the path I wanted to follow. I absolutely love working with kids each and every day. My coworkers are five year olds, but I couldn’t picture spending my day any other way. In my free time I love to read and exercise. I frequently experiment with new recipes to cook and bake. I’d like to think I can make things taste good, but presentation isn’t my strong suit. I am a beach bum, and could spend all day in the water. I have a weakness for seasonal decor (much to M’s dismay), and love hosting dinners or holidays for friends and family. I have a younger brother, who I am very close with. I recently officiated his wedding in the summer of 2022! Both my parents and M’s parents live nearby, and we see family often. Our parents actually live twelve minutes away from each other, and sometimes even go out for dinner without us!
(M): I grew up on Long Island not too far from J in a loving household with my parents and three younger siblings (2 sisters and a brother). My youngest sibling is 11.5 years younger than I am, so I always joke with J that I’m already experienced with the newborn and toddler stage! On a personal level, I love spending time with my wife and dog, going on long walks, watching the Yankees or Friends, cooking together, and traveling. I like to be outdoors as much as possible. I grew up playing sports and try to maintain some level of activity through golf, riding bikes, or swimming. Professionally, I’m a director at PwC in our consulting department. I’ve been there for 12 years. My work enables me to help clients through problems and situations they do not have the experience or time to address themselves. I truly enjoy working collaboratively with others to solve problems, and I feel really rewarded and accomplished when we succeed.
About M (from J):
M is funny, loyal, and dedicated. I know it’s strange, but two weeks after we started dating I told M he was my best friend, and I just knew that he was the one. He’s the kind of person who, when he sets his mind to something, he will figure out how to achieve it. He works incredibly hard and loves his job. M doesn’t sweat the small stuff, and is level headed and logical. He has the flexibility to work from home the majority of the week. I frequently come home and the laundry is done, groceries are in the fridge, and dinner is in the oven. I often joke that he is my housewife! I love that M and his family are so close. M has more friends than anyone I know. He has a large group of high school and college friends that we frequently see on weekends. He is not only an amazing uncle to our two (soon to be three) nieces, but to our close friends’ kids as well. He’s the first to fly them around like an airplane and get on the floor and play. Watching M with our nieces and friend’s children, I can’t help but think about what an amazing dad he will be. He is patient, loving, kind, and silly. I picture him teaching our child to ride a bike, going for walks around the block with the dog, tucking them in at night, and everything in between.
About J (from M):
J is passionate, kind, and cares an incredible amount about her friends and loved ones. J is always the first person to send a gift for one of her many friends’ birthdays, or be there to support them in times of need. I love to watch J work a room, hopping from one conversation to the next, asking tons of questions about how everyone in that person’s life is doing, and what they’re up to. She has the innate ability to be genuinely interested in listening to the other person, and I often joke with others that I can cut her off from asking more questions if they’d like (and they never take me up on that)!
Since J was a little girl she knew that her life’s goal was to help and teach young children. As a kindergarten teacher, she has fulfilled that goal at the professional level. Multiple times per week J comes home beaming about something cute or impressive that one of her students did that day. Nothing would make me happier than to be able to see and experience that same passion with a child of our own. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have J in my life and it breaks my heart that we’ve had to deal with the pain that comes along with infertility. I’m extremely grateful to you for considering to give us this amazing gift, and I cannot thank you enough.
About Our Relationship:
We met by chance in the summer of 2015 at a bar in New York City. In one night we went to a piano bar, a 90’s music video bar, and on a Lobster boat cruise on the Hudson River. We have been together ever since. In June of 2017, we moved in together on the Upper East Side. In February of 2019, we got engaged in that same apartment! Unfortunately, our wedding was postponed twice due to COVID. In the interim, we got a mini goldendoodle puppy Yogi Berra who is now three, and a home on Long Island not too far from our families. We finally got married May 1, 2021 surrounded by our family and friends.
We have been together since August of 2015, and always discussed our future family. We so clearly pictured our lives with three kids running around the house, family dinners, and bedtime stories. We talked about holiday traditions like cinnamon buns on Christmas, and sitting on the sideline cheering at sports games or dance recitals. We have envisioned hanging out in our backyard with our family watching the town’s holiday boat parade, and the fireworks on the Fourth of July.
We started trying in February of 2021, just before our wedding. We got pregnant on our honeymoon in Hawaii in July! We were over the moon, dreaming of names and future nurseries. We ordered the personalized Yankees onesie to tell our friends and family, and began reading all the books. At 7 weeks, our world was turned upside down when we were told it was a miscarriage. Since then, this journey has been full of disappointment and heartache. Multiple failed fertility treatments and three surgeries for J later, we were told to consider other options as J will never be able to maintain a healthy, successful pregnancy. Infertility and loss is a long and painful journey full of grief. Through the last few years, our relationship has only gotten stronger as we have learned to lean on each other, and support one another through the countless calls, appointments, procedures, shots, and the “I’m sorry but…” conversations with doctors and specialists. As devastating as that is, our desire and will to have a family continues to grow. We have adjusted our timelines, expectations, and ideas of what this path may look like with the help and the constant support of close friends and family.
In a future surrogate we look for someone who is kind, patient, and understanding. We hope to be involved every step of the way from in-person or virtual doctors appointments to being in the delivery room with you. Unfortunately, we have limited personal experience with the pregnancy journey, and long to connect with you while you nurture and grow our child. We hope a relationship develops organically, and are both the type of people who like to make friends, if that’s something you’re interested in.
Our path to get here has been full of disappointment and heartbreak. Thank you for turning this journey into one of hope.
J and M