Dear Prospective Surrogate,

My name is C and my husband’s name is J. I grew up in a small town in upstate New York. It was one of those small towns where everyone knew everyone. Most of my extended family lived there too minus a few aunts and uncles. My family moved down to Georgia when I was 10 due to my dad’s job getting transferred. I have two older brothers and am the baby of my family. When I was little living in New York, I used to take dance classes and play softball. Once I hit middle school, I started playing the flute and that became my main hobby. In high school I was part of the marching band. I was always very quiet and reserved when I was in middle and high school (which is crazy considering I would classify myself as outgoing now). I have always wanted to be a teacher since the time I was in middle school. When I moved to GA, I went from a small town where everyone was friends with everyone to a large school district where there were so many kids, it was somehow harder to make friends at first. Due to that, I always looked up to my teachers! They always made me feel welcome and accepted. They inspired me to want to be like them when I grew up. So, that became my major in college. Right out of college I became a teacher. I have been a teacher for 10 years now. I love connecting with students and trying to make them feel as if they can do anything they set their mind to and most importantly, making sure they feel welcome and supported just like my teachers did for me. Last year, I graduated from Georgia State University with a master’s degree in educational leadership. I am hoping to use that degree to move up to Assistant Principal one day soon.

My husband, J, grew up in Georgia. He has two sisters, one older and one younger. His older sister is married with two young children and his little sister is married and just had her first child a week ago at the time I am writing this! J grew up playing all types of sports: Baseball, football, wrestling, Tae Kwon Do, etc. (Opposites attract I suppose since I don’t have an athletic bone in my body!). J also went to the University of Georgia (although we did not meet there). There he majored in psychology and sport fanaticism. J had a tougher time than me deciding on his major. He originally went into college for engineering because he was good at math and science but switched it to psychology as that was his favorite subject. After college, he still wasn’t sure what he wanted to do so he started in a warehouse “moving boxes”. He worked his way up the chain until eventually he got a new job being a production coordinator. That quickly turned into production manager, and then in a blink he has now made it all the way up the supply chain ladder to Senior Operations Manager. For 6 years now he has been managing his small team in the aerospace and defense industry with hopes of becoming a Supply Chain Director in the future.

J and I met in 2016, a few years after we graduated from college. We pretty much instantly knew that we were each other’s person. The two of us and our three dogs moved in together after a few months of dating and ended up buying our house together (the one we currently live in) after about a year of dating. We got engaged shortly after that and got married a year after that. We have now been married for 6 years. At the beginning of 2020 (I know… great timing with Covid) we decided to start trying for a baby. It didn’t take us long before we were pregnant with our first child! We had our daughter S in late 2020. She is now the best, smartest, most loving, RAMBUNCTIOUS, caring, outgoing, amazing little kid I could ever ask for. She is truly the love of my life and amazes me EVERY single day. I could not be more grateful I was able to have her.

J and I are both super close with our families as family means everything to both of us. My mom watches our daughter every day while we are at work and is so supportive of us and our daughter. We see J’s family at least once a month if not more. We also have an amazing friend support system. I have a few friends I met in college who are the absolute best friends I could ever ask for. On top of that, we have a group that I hesitate to even call a “friend group” because at this point, they are more like family. James met his best friend in kindergarten, and they are still best friends to this day. Our group has expanded from them through couples and mutual friends. A few of the couples in the group have children as well and it has just been awesome having such a great support system and friends to spend time with (and share playdates to expel all the kids’ energy). We love to go out and hang out with our friends and family, but we also love to cuddle up on the couch and watch any and all Disney movies with our daughter.

Individually, I love binging a good Netflix show or two, and J typically has on anything sports related, both professional and collegiate. Another thing we frequently find ourselves picking up is DIY home renovations. We quite often will do a quick little project or two around the house and have even redone our whole kitchen and master bathroom ourselves! I love anything Disney or Harry Potter and you will often see me crocheting a project for my daughter or one of my friends. I just finished a baby blanket for my sister-in-law!

Around the end of 2022, we decided to start trying for our second baby. Again, I got pregnant quickly and was beyond excited. A week later, I had my first miscarriage. We decided to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try again. The next month, we got pregnant again! We were so incredibly grateful and excited for this pregnancy after losing the first one. Around week 10, my husband and I went in for our first ultrasound to hear the heartbeat for the first time (which was super exciting because he was unable to come to any appointment for S due to Covid) and we were given the most devastating news. The baby stopped growing at around week 6. We were heartbroken. Another miscarriage. The doctors gave me the necessary medication to expel the fetal tissue….and it didn’t work. They gave it to me again, and again, it didn’t work. So, I went in for an emergency D&C. We were told that the D&C would last about a half hour, and we would be on our way…. That half hour turned into a 3-hour surgery. 

I ended up having something called a placental accreta. That is when the placenta grows into the uterine wall. Normally, the placenta can just detach from the uterine wall, and you are fine. Mine however would not come out due to the accreta. The doctors unfortunately had to scrape my uterus to get the tissue out which caused massive scarring and abrasions. Still, I was told that if I took high dose estrogen, that everything would be ok. So, I took that for a month and after, I was told that my period would start again… and it didn’t. I was told to wait three months to see if my period would start again and that sometimes it just takes that long to start again after a D&C.. Again, it didn’t start. After three months they gave me more medication to try to induce my period. Again, didn’t start. So, I went in for another surgery just to try to see what was going on. Again, a 30-minute procedure turned into a 3 hour one. In that surgery they found that my uterus had no blood flow and was completely covered in scar tissue. I would never be able to hold another pregnancy. Because my tissue was so damaged, during surgery, my fallopian tube became detached and had to be surgically reattached where they discovered I also had endometriosis and suspected adenomyosis which is likely what caused the accreta in the first place.

The news was devastating to say the least. J and I have always wanted to have a large family. We always figured we would have 3 kids similar to how the two of us grew up. I was born to be a mother. It is hard to explain, but I know deep in my soul that this is not it for us. Sophia also LOVES other children and babies. She will be the best big sister. We just knew we needed to find a way to make our dream a reality. We couldn’t give up. No matter the time, no matter the money, it is all worth it to complete our family. Future surrogate, whoever you are, I will be forever and eternally grateful to you. You are doing an AMAZING thing for my family. I don’t think words could ever express how grateful I am for you. I hope that our relationship will grow organically and naturally and one where you feel comfortable coming to us with any concerns that you may have. I will be whatever you need me to be throughout this journey. Need someone to talk to about your pregnancy troubles, I am here. Need to be left alone, you got it. You are an amazing person for even considering giving us this miracle, and I hope I get to meet you very soon.

Love,

C + J + S