Dear Prospective Surrogate

We’re so excited to introduce ourselves, S & R. We live very close to both of our families in the outskirts of a major city in the south. One of the things that has connected us from the start is our deep connection and love of our families, and it’s why we are so excited to be able to bring another life into our family through surrogacy.

R and I both grew up in the same area, separately, never realizing how often we were in or near the same places. It was on our first date we found out we both grew up going to the same little corner Italian restaurant, so it was obvious where our second date would be. We met after I’d just come back from the West Coast during the pandemic, knowing I probably could stay for 6 months, and that it wasn’t certain what would happen after that. We met only days after I arrived, as she was new at my dentist, who I’d been going to since I was about 12, and knew me and my family very well. While I was at home the next day, talking with my sister about how I could maybe show my interest in R, my mom came home with her phone number. The dentist had already asked R to write her number on a scrap of paper “for S”, and gave it to my mom. From our first date onward, we have never gone more than a week without being with each other. We stuck through uncertainty about where we’d end up living, and found ourselves staying settled where we grew up.

During the four years we’ve been together, R and I have grown to know and understand each other. We’ve realized that we are so similar in many important ways, while also having important differences that attract us to each other. I work as a software engineer and I started programming in high school after I got my first MacBook. It was my dream to work at one of the major tech companies, and at a college career fair, I got my first internship at one. I worked there for 9 years before my current role. When my wife met me, I was the typical distracted software engineer who sometimes had trouble with dishes or clutter. I tend towards being very analytical, and can really get in my head at times, but can also find joy in creative outlets, like cooking, or sometimes piano. It’s a blessing that R encourages me, brings me back to my senses, and balances my personality with a love of the humanities. She is often a guiding force in my life: a reason to want to live up to who I can be, and what she sees in me.

R’s love of poetry, artwork, and writing drew me to her from the beginning. I saw in her, something I never was, and I loved that about her. When she told me she loved me, she had written out the most beautiful letter, and had snipped a bit out of one of her art books to attach – a Georgia O’Keefe painting that she said meant “All of me is waiting for all of you, to touch the center of me with the center of you.” Today, she focuses her creative energy on putting together a beautiful home. When I sit with her at our kitchen table in the morning, I feel comfortable because of the work that she’s put into our space and the love she shares within it.

Aside from being interested in the humanities, she’s also very focused on providing the best care for her patients. I remember many conversations at the beginning of her career (and our relationship) where she discussed how she would determine the best possible treatment to provide. Still today, the relationships she develops with her patients are enduring, and I know a large part of what she likes about going into work is getting to see them and check in on their lives.

When R and I decided to get married, we knew we wanted our wedding to be intimate, and centered around the joining of our families. It was with no hesitation that we decided together we wanted to ask my father to officiate our wedding. It was only family, but as you’ll learn, R’s family is large, and we still had 75 people there. It was in the backyard of a family friend, and was every bit as special and intimate as we could have imagined.

It was only a month or so after getting to know R that she opened up about the autoimmune condition she has. At the time, we weren’t anywhere near ready to discuss what the impact of those health issues would be on her ability to carry a baby, but at the appropriate time, she was able to open up to me about more of the challenges she’s already faced, and how those would be affected by a pregnancy. I knew it wasn’t a sure thing that she would carry our baby, but that wouldn’t stop me from marrying the love of my life, even knowing how much I’d wanted to be a father.

Soon after we got married, R started getting serious about discussing with doctors what risks were involved. It became clear to us, that considering how difficult it has been to make even incremental improvements to her quality of life today, it could very likely be too much for her body to bear carrying a child. It was at that point that we began the process of creating embryos and seeking surrogacy agencies.

In this journey to find a surrogate, we are hoping to match with someone who loves family as much as we do, and wants to support our dream of creating our own, and passing on our love to another generation. I’ve always wanted to be a father, and oftentimes when I think of the relationship I want to have with my child I can’t help but think of the song “Watching You” by Rodney Adkins. My father has been one of my closest friends throughout my whole life, and it’s been my dream to have that sort of relationship with my child. R is looking forward to recreating some of her favorite memories with our children. Someday she hopes our child gets to pick fresh tomatoes with her dad, and bake sugar cookies with her mom. In chorus, I sang a song called “Crowded Table,” which she told me paints the picture of what she wants in our lives: a house filled with love, and a table filled with close family.

Should you choose to meet us, we couldn’t be happier to share more about our hopes

and dreams. We look forward to such a special journey together!

Sincerely,

S & R

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