Dear Prospective Surrogate,

We are C and A. It is with hope that we write this letter and with gratitude for people like you who are willing to help intended parents like us.

A grew up in Iowa where his mom, was a professor a university. A attended school in Illinois where he majored in Biology with plans to become a dentist. After graduation, studying for the DAT exam and interning at a dental office, he realized that he wanted to pursue a different career in healthcare. He went on to receive his Masters of Healthcare Administration from the University of Iowa and headed to Pennsylvania for an administrative fellowship position at the a major public hospital. He always thought that Pennsylvania would be a quick two to three year stop and then head back to the Midwest, but then he met me and, as they say, the rest is history!

I grew up in Southwestern Pennsylvania on a beef cattle farm. I attended college in North Carolina where I was a varsity cheerleader. From an early age there were two things that I always listed when asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” – a doctor and a mommy. I was able to accomplish the first by attending Penn State College of Medicine in Pennsylvania. Next, I matched into my dream field of dermatology and completed a residency at Penn State and then a fellowship in South Jersey. Upon graduation, I wanted to live closer to family and relocated back to Pennsylvania to the job that I am still at today.

Our love story starts where most good ones do these days…online. In 2018, we first matched on a dating app and talked back and forth a few times before I realized that we had some mutual friends. One friend encouraged me to just ask him out for drinks, so I did! And, there were crickets…like really no response at all. I chalked it up as a fail but, several weeks later three acquaintances, independently, recommended that I meet their friend, A. They couldn’t believe he would “ghost” me because he is the “nicest guy in the world.” They coordinated a meet-up between the two of us. A explained that he had left the dating app before seeing my message. He asked me out and I learned that he is actually the nicest guy in the world.  We got engaged on Memorial Day 2020, during the peak of Covid, and were married June 12, 2021.

We both always wanted a family and wanted a big one at that! We come from tight-knit families and extended families. My parents, as well as my sister and brother, all still live about an hour away from us and we get to see them at least a few times a month. A’s mom, was one of the most incredible women I have ever known and, unfortunately, we lost her to cancer on Valentine’s Day 2021, a few months before our wedding. With that, A’s dad, had moved to Pennsylvania to be close to us and his sister,  remains in Iowa near his extended family. We always hoped to be able to give our parents grandchildren and dreams of a noisy, bustling, house full of kids but as you’ll come to learn, despite our best efforts, we haven’t been able to accomplish that.

I was aware of the increased likelihood of fertility issues as someone gets older. As my “Type A” self, I was definitely going to make sure that didn’t happen to me. When I was 35 and single, I decided to freeze my eggs and went through three rounds of egg freezing before I met A. Then, A and I got engaged and I reached out to our physician to let her know that we wanted to try for a baby as soon as we were married. She suggested starting another round of IVF right around the same time that we lost A’s mom. Despite our grief, we completed the cycle and made three beautiful genetically normal embryos. We were elated, three embryos and more eggs in the bank, what could go wrong?

Immediately after our wedding we transferred one embryo and were unsuccessful. Knowing that sometimes more than one transfer is needed, we were disappointed but still on track for our goal of a houseful of kids. In October 2021, we transferred our second embryo and it stuck! We were elated! Planning due dates, imagining a nursery, and breaking the news to our parents. Unfortunately, the week before our scheduled ultrasound to hear the heartbeat, I had a miscarriage. No one had an explanation for us and we were feeling fearful of transferring the third embryo without seeking a second opinion.

We decided to transfer our care to a well-respected clinic in Colorado. We decided to do another retrieval as well as transfer our frozen eggs to Colorado to make embryos. Unfortunately, none of my frozen eggs made even a single embryo as they were damaged in the initial freezing process all those years ago. In addition, the three embryos that we made from that new retrieval were all genetically abnormal. We were devastated. This loss combined with our recent miscarriage made for what was certainly the worst time of our lives. We’ve found strength in our families, our friends, and, most importantly, each other.

Over the last two years, we have gone through eight additional rounds of IVF and made two additional genetically normal embryos. Last November, we decided to proceed in our journey and do an embryo transfer. Our embryo was transferred the week after Thanksgiving and we had our positive pregnancy test in early December. There were tears of joy for what felt like a Christmas miracle. Then, four days before Christmas, as I was wrapping gifts and packing for our trip back to Iowa to see A’s family, I got the devastating lab results that showed I had a miscarriage. We couldn’t believe it, there was no explanation for this scenario that had now happened twice. Miraculously, I became naturally pregnant in January of this year but that also ended in a miscarriage at seven weeks. In June, we proceeded with another embryo transfer that ended in a chemical pregnancy. We’ve searched for answers, but no one can explain why. As a physician, I know that not everything can be explained or fixed, but it’s been a hard reality to wrap our brains around. Because of this,  our physician has suggested that we seek a surrogate for help.

The last three years have been more difficult than we can describe. It’s hard not to be all consumed with the thought that we are missing the thing we want the most. But, A and I know that we are extremely blessed and choose to focus on those blessings. Two years ago we got our Mini Bernedoodle, Kinnick. And, although I was always against getting a dog, I love her to pieces. Last year, we bought our first home together and have been busy organizing, working on home projects, and making friends with the young families in our neighborhood. A is a huge golfer and that keeps him busy until football season starts when we cheer on the Iowa Hawkeyes and the Pittsburgh Steelers. I love to cook, bake, and entertain family and friends in our new home. And, often binge reality TV, my guilty pleasure. Professionally, I am planning to open my own dermatology office next year, which is a lifelong dream of mine.

The surrogacy route is one that we didn’t foresee ourselves going down, but we’re so glad that it’s possible. We are scared to lose another child, but A and I know that we will do whatever it takes to be parents in this life. Our hope is that we find a gestational carrier who will carry our child for us and provide a warm and loving environment for him or her to develop, just as we would if we were able. We are looking for someone with whom we can form an organic relationship through open communication and mutual respect. We would love to be able to share details and pictures as our child develops, to be able to celebrate milestones. It would be a gift that our families and we would be eternally grateful for, for bringing our miracle to life.

With hope, love, and appreciation,

C and A