To Our Potential Carrier,
Thank you. Thank you for reading this letter and thank you for considering us to join you in this journey. This letter can only begin in gratitude, for we can only be thankful for you for opening yourself up in the biggest way to helping strangers like us welcome a child into our family.
Our road to marriage and parenting began in a bar in Boston. In my youth (mid twenties), I (Allie) was part of a running club that started and ended at a local bar. After one run I was digging into a plate of fries when I was greeted with a big smile. Lucky for us, Joseph was up visiting from Manhattan and just happened to visit a random bar outside the city. True to our natures, Joseph was animated and gung-ho, while I was a bit more reserved and cautious. But he won me over, we moved down south together to Tennessee where I was born and raised (Joseph is from Seattle – go Hawks!), and we got married three years later in 2016.
Like a lot of couples, we laid out our dreams – a house, dogs, two or three children, a stressful but typical parenting journey, and some thirty years later us holding hands while a gaggle of grandchildren ran around us. In 2018 halfway through my pregnancy with our first child our carefully laid dreams abruptly scattered when I developed severe complications. I spent two weeks in the hospital with Joseph by my side. While still in the hospital, even before our son was born, we were confronted with the harsh truth that, while possible, future pregnancies would be risky and likely result in another preterm delivery. It was in the hospital that we first learned of surrogacy as an option should we want more children (spoiler alert: we do). At 26 weeks our son Oliver was delivered via emergency c-section. He was 1.1 lbs and spent four months in the NICU learning how to breathe, grow, eat, survive. He is tenacious and strong, and his fiery spirit undoubtedly helped him defeat the odds to make it where he is today – a rambunctious, curious, delightful toddler who seizes every moment of every day.
When we first dreamed of children, we dreamed of the love we would heap onto our children and the blessings that their love would give us in return. While this is still true, our dream of having another child has also become our dream for son Oliver. To this day, Oliver still has complex needs. He has multiple specialists, attends many therapies, and was diagnosed with autism last year. Yes, we want another child for us, but we also dream of another child for Oliver, of a sibling that can be Oliver’s person throughout life, of someone to hold his hand as he navigates the world as a neurodiverse individual. And we hope Oliver will be that person to his future sibling as well. Dreams are still dreams, and we are well aware that they can change at the drop of a hat, but regardless of the outcome of this journey, we know that it is the right journey for us and for our son Oliver.
Our hope for our surrogacy journey is grounded in the values that guide our life. We hope that it is a journey rooted in love and compassion, mutual respect, trust, openness, and honesty. We hope that we can join our surrogate in sharing any concerns and celebrating all the little steps along the way. With our journey grounded in these principles, we are open to letting the relationship develop naturally with check-ins and conversations happening as often as seems comfortable for our surrogate. We would love to be a part of the big moments along the way (20 week scan, other ultrasounds, birth), but will follow the lead of our surrogate otherwise. Regardless, we are committed to sharing with our future child the role that our surrogate played in their beautiful story.
As it began, this letter ends in gratitude for you. We haven’t met you, but we already know you are a woman whose life is rooted in compassion for others, and for this we say thank you. We look forward to meeting you and starting this journey together.
Allie & Joseph