Dear Prospective Surrogate,

We are A and A, and we are very excited to be on this new journey to find a surrogate match and become parents for the first time. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for choosing to go down this path and give us, or someone else, the incredible gift of a child.

I am A, born and raised in New York and I am a retired Special Education Kindergarten Teacher. I have three older siblings and seven beautiful nieces and nephews who I love like my own. I love children and have been around them, personally and professionally, for my entire life. 

A was born and raised in Connecticut and coincidentally is also the baby of his family with three older siblings himself. He has several nieces and nephews who he adores and is very close with. A works as a Creative Director and Graphic Designer for a large company in the trucking industry.

We currently live in New York, about 20 miles outside of NYC. We’re close to friends and family and absolutely love being by the boardwalk and the ocean. It’s our happy place!

We met online in the midst of the COVID pandemic about three years ago. After many years of both of us meeting “the wrong people”, our paths crossed on a website in May of 2020. We had our first date in August 2020 and were engaged about a year later. When we met, we hit it off instantly. We had a lot in common and talked about our love for theater and Broadway musicals, about drama club and the different shows we performed in. We bonded over music, concerts, and movies. We talked about our families and how much we loved our many nieces and nephews and all the fun activities we enjoy with them.  We bonded over our love of nature, the beach and the outdoors in general. I have always loved the outdoors, though I never really knew how much until I met A. Growing up in New England, he spent a lot of time biking, kayaking, hiking, and camping in Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Maine. I had never really spent time in the northeast or in the mountains. I was more of a city kid. A opened me up to a whole new world, and I fell completely in love! He shared with me his love of the country and the outdoors, and I shared my life as a city girl growing up in NY. Together it all just worked, and the rest is history. 

A and I got engaged in December of 2021 on the front porch of a beautiful historic Inn in Massachusetts. We moved in together shortly after and still live in that same building in New York. This is where our journey to start a family together begins.

I’ll preface this part of our story by mentioning that I have a medical condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) which I was diagnosed with 6 years ago after I dislocated my elbow playing “airplane” with a 3-year-old at a family reunion. This injury changed my life, and it has affected all parts of my life both personally and professionally. CRPS is a very rare and misunderstood condition where the brain continues to send pain signals to the body even after an injury is healed. This causes tremendous pain and discomfort and makes ordinary tasks very challenging. I mention my CRPS because, for better or for worse, it is now a part of my life, and it has made our journey to start a family even more difficult. Our challenges with fertility and with IVF have led us to the surrogacy path, and to you.

Our journey began in August of 2021 with our first positive pregnancy test. I ended up miscarrying very early on. Because of my CRPS, I ended up in the hospital from the pain. We were devastated, not knowing what the future would hold. This is when we went to our first fertility doctor. We began doing all the required testing and ended up becoming pregnant again, naturally, in November. We were so excited believing this had to be it. Why wouldn’t it be is all I could think. I miscarried again, this time at 8 weeks. It was the darkest experience I had ever felt, or so I thought. I was afraid to get a DNC because of my CRPS. I took the pills instead. The pain was over the top once again causing so many issues with my CRPS and the natural agony of the miscarriage. It took a week before everything had passed. It was a nightmare I never wanted to go through again.

At this point we decided to go forward with IVF, and I was 40 when I began my first treatment. Because of my medical issues everything was so exacerbated. I struggled a lot with the hormones and injections, emotionally and physically. I must get Ketamine for any medical procedures I endure to stop the CRPS from spreading to the affected areas. And again, whatever it took, I was willing to do.

We got one healthy genetically tested embryo from our first egg retrieval. As happy as we were I knew I would have to do another retrieval, which meant more hormones and ketamine. And still, whatever it takes, I’ve got this. The next steps were for me to begin acupuncture and do a procedure called PRP, Protein Rich Platelets. Ovarian PRP is a procedure where they take blood from my arm, spin it, and then inject it into my ovary under anesthesia. The procedure was to help with egg quality and quantity. 

Because of my age, I wanted to do anything possible. PRP was extremely painful, and I had to get ketamine for this procedure as well. CRPS causes inflammation in all the affected areas. I have it on the complete left side of my body, internally as well. With each injection, surgery, poke and prod, my inflammation got worse and worse. My abdomen began to swell. Fluid built up in all parts of my body. We were moving forward because again, whatever it takes. A month later I did another egg retrieval. We were so optimistic. We did this extra procedure to increase our chances. The doctor retrieved almost double the number of eggs. We were so happy. The healing from the procedure was a bit better because I knew what to expect and I was so hopeful. The news kept coming with the numbers getting lower and lower. In the end, we didn’t get any healthy genetically tested embryos. We were sad, to say the least. We took a break and a reset after that. We were so emotionally, mentally and physically drained.

I went to a holistic treatment center for CRPS in Idaho for three weeks. I was so desperate to get my condition under control and have a baby. The treatment center was wonderful. I learned so much and continued to heal. About four months later I was ready to try again, and we became pregnant.  Our first thoughts were excitement because this was going to be different as well as nervous and cautious. I surprised Alan on Christmas eve. I wrapped the pregnancy test and it was such a real, true, beautiful moment. The love, gratitude and faith we had was beyond. Around 8/9 weeks I began to miscarry. Again, I took the pills, but this time I ended up in the hospital. My CRPS flared up so bad, I was so sick and in agony. The next day I was able to go home. It took six weeks before my HCG was back to normal. It was a very long six weeks.

Very soon after that we went to see a new IVF doctor. We began all the testing and scheduled another egg retrieval. I knew I had to retrieve as many embryos as possible. We got one genetically tested embryo, and we were beyond grateful. We scheduled my first transfer.  I didn’t know what a transfer entailed, I just thought the shots and hormones would be like the retrieval. That was not the case. The progesterone shots caused my CRPS to spread from my right butt cheek to my toes. I was only able to inject myself on the right side of my body. After speaking to the doctor, we tried doing it less often, but it wasn’t enough. Because I would do anything, I kept doing the shots and endured the pain. The transfer went well, and the doctor was very optimistic. My first blood test came back positive, but the HCG was low. I went back two days later, and it had gone down even lower. Soon after that I started to bleed. I think I went into shock, that’s all I can say. It was so hard to accept because I knew it had to do with my CRPS and inflammation.

At this point we have one embryo left and I don’t believe my body can handle another transfer. My body will most likely reject it because of inflammation. With all this new knowledge, I needed a break to really reset and figure out our next steps.

Fast forward to today, and here we are, so grateful that surrogacy exists and that there is someone out there who is willing to carry a child for us. To change our lives and make our dreams come true. To create a family and a beautiful child to love, protect and give the word. This is a gift that I never imagined possible. There is so much love in our lives and people that are helping us to make this happen. We are so lucky for all the love and support. We want to give you nothing less. All the love in the world. 

So…this is us . And I hope in this letter I was able to give you a glimpse into our lives and what our journey thus far has been like. There have been challenges, both physically and emotionally, from my CRPS, from enduring four miscarriages and from the strain that IVF puts on the body and on life in general. Our doctors warned us that IVF was “a lot”, and it sure is. But we are here writing to you because our story is not over. We have hope and we have plans to have the family we always wanted and wished for. 

Whether we match and you work with us, or whether you find someone else, THANK YOU for choosing to do this hard work and for the gift that you will give to a fortunate family out there!

Sincerely,

A and A

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